For his own good.
Honesty is one of the qualities that many people will put on the list of important constituent relationships. Without honesty, there can be no trust, and without trust there can be no love.
This is true, but in reality everything is a little more complicated.
I have been married for two years, but I have known my husband for almost 10 years. When we got engaged, we lived together for some time, so I didn’t think that much would change after the wedding.
At first it seemed that did not change. It was even fun to call each other husband and wife — although that made me feel old. But otherwise we continued to live as before.
But something has changed. On an emotional level, I felt our connection more. After all, we made each other a promise to spend our whole lives together and always try to make each other happy. It sounds beautiful, but it still scares.
What makes me happy does not always make him happy, and vice versa. Of course, the whole thing is about compromise and trying to find the right balance. But sometimes it’s easier to say a little white lie than to always tell the truth and “fight for your rights” - at least for the sake of a happy marriage.
This is manifested, for example, in that I say that I don’t mind that he will watch football after work, although in fact I want to drink wine with him and talk about how our day went. It may upset me, but I know that he loves sports and uses this time to relax and abstract from everything. That is why I lie and find myself another activity, or I call a friend if I really need someone to drink and talk.
Sometimes, of course, I can lie about something more. This happens quite unexpectedly, so I don’t even think about it. For example, a husband often asks if I am happy. A simple question to which I nod my head, although in my thoughts there is a list of what I am not happy about. But if I voice this, his simple question will turn into a long and exhausting conversation.
I know that I have a wonderful life, I am grateful for many things, but I cannot say that I am 100% happy. I just haven't achieved everything I need to be absolutely happy. There is something that I sacrificed for the sake of my marriage, projects that I postponed, dreams that I did not achieve - everything for our marriage. But I will not let my husband find out.
Some may say that I avoid conflict, but I have another reason to lie to my husband about my happiness.
I do not want him to think that it is his fault.
I know that he is trying very hard to make me happy, I know that he loves me - and that’s all that matters. I do not want him to feel bad when I tell him the truth, and this does not help the situation, so why?
I don’t need to talk about all my worries, fears and regrets. So I just nod, smile, and wait for him to kiss me, when he answers, "I, too." And suddenly, all my experiences go.