Psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya published in her blog an article about how senseless it is to rush things and demand from the child “useful” and “correct” actions, to which his brain has not yet matured.
Instead of intensively teaching the child to something, it is worth giving him the opportunity to come to the use of the desired skills himself.
One of the most harmful formulas in the upbringing sounds like this: “If you immediately (not) teach the child, then it will always be like this.” No need to teach hands. It is necessary to accustom to accuracy at once. No need to teach to sleep with mom. It is necessary to immediately teach to arrange the written work correctly. Etc.
Such an approach implies looking at the child as if it were a jar with a lid, wherever you put it, so it will remain there.
With all the obvious seemingly absurdity, this view has a downright magnetic effect, literally hypnotizing adults. “Well, how is that? So leave? But then he will ALWAYS (suck a finger, sob in the toy store, forget to do homework, play computer, love Dima Bilan - underline)! It is necessary to do something.
I usually say: “Listen, this is generally an interesting train of thought. I suggest not to transfer the child by the hand across the road. We must immediately accustom! And then what, so it will always ALWAYS walk with us? ”.
Confusion. “No, it’s not possible, it’s different.” What else, eh? Here the child is afraid to sleep alone. Well, we certainly know that the skeleton under the bed, which he fears, is unreal, unlike cars on the roads. But for him, something real! Much more than that, because the skeleton, so terrible, he almost directly sees, and almost directly hears him scrubbing his bones against the floor. And the car - why be afraid of her? Rides and rides. Bright, beautiful.
How, it is interesting, children explain to themselves why adults are ready to protect them from some dangers and even with excessive zeal, and calmly give them away to others, and even shame that you are afraid? What is their version in the head about this topic?
Or here's an elementary school.Well, why in the first class so much attention is paid to design? "To immediately teach, and then ...". OK, let's teach integrals to solve right away? For some reason, the idea that a seven-year-old child cannot solve integrals is obvious. And the idea that he CAN'T just due to age features, to remember all these algorithms: four cells here, and if on the last line, we do not start, and if it does not fit, then like this. And all this must be done simultaneously with the actual letter and thinking!
Such a wonderful age - from 7 to 10! Such a creative, rich, such a passionate interest in how the world works, such a capacity for unexpected generalizations, associations, such a synthetic perception of any subject!
To see the world not as a set of scientific disciplines, but to think about butterflies, stars, mud under fingernails, hurricanes, vikings, atoms, why people laugh at five-second intervals. or even at the same time. Not just to think - to FEEL about it, to pass through all of it. This incredible perseverance and dedication in the pursuit of what is interesting! For hours, with gusto, forgetting about everything, whether it is football, designer, drawing, fantasy - who has that! Games are invented, their Shvambrania and Terabithia are born, all these treasures, secrets, ciphers.
The rapid development of all mental functions, like a flower in accelerated shooting, unfolds from a bud. Self-confidence, self-reliance, the ability to act in unexpected, changing circumstances should grow (should grow, at least). Traction to adventure, to a new experience. The origin of friendship is no longer a child's, but a real one, which can last forever.
The ideal world of a child of this age is shown in the cartoons Earth Before the Beginning of Times. Own company of friends, freedom, real adventures, but somewhere near there are wise and strong adults who, if anything, come to the rescue, and in the evening they are put to bed. And nothing more is needed from them.
And now we will think about what these years are spent on. Four boxes down, two lines to skip. What are you thinking, Petrov? Again in the clouds in the class? FOUR cells, what is not clear here? Once again, we fix. Write three lines of the word. Do not whisper. At recess do not run.
Why do you have such a mess in the portfolio? Is it difficult to accurately fill in the diary? Stop playing, we have no time, it's time to English. We can not invite Vlad to visit, you do not have time to work out music.You will not go for a walk until the lessons are done.
ALL across the age tasks, ALL contrary to the nature of the child.
Textbooks. A melancholy mortal. Who picks up these lyrics? Who pawns these endless nauseous loops of repetitions of the past, so that the child has a lasting impression that a quarter has departed and has learned nothing new? (The exception is L. Peterson’s textbooks. They are very well made taking into account age, but they don’t like them in schools - it’s hard ... We need to think ... It’s better to repeat it once more ...)
Rating standards: dictation without one mistake, but carelessly and with corrections. Troyak. Morality for a child: content is nothing, form is everything. The main thing is to look, the essence is not so important. Another moral: the error is fatal. Noticed and corrected - it will not save you. Then we wonder where the neuroses and tendency to give up at the first failure ...
Program: division into subjects, into themes, into blocks. Everything is fragmented, one lesson is completed, another is started, one topic, then another, no connection.
The child comes at the end of the first class with tears: “The task does not work!” I check that everything is correct, on one shelf there are 9 books, on the other 15, answer 24.The child, already crying out loud: “The answer can not be 24, because - attention! - we still do not go beyond two dozen! I decided wrong, I will go to think. ”
An hour of desperate efforts for the child to finally conclude that you have to believe in yourself, in your own mind, and not in an incomprehensible framework, which the compiler of the carelessness itself violated. And if I hadn't come?
Listen, I honestly do not understand why this is, eh?
Why trample on everything that is growing rapidly at this time, and diligently cultivate that which cannot and cannot grow?
As in the famous fairy tale about a fool-princess, who desired snowdrops in December and spoiled the holiday for everyone, and without snowdrops, she promised to be cheerful.
Why not just wait?
Here are 10-11 years old. Synthetic thinking gives way to analyticity. A passion for collecting, systematizing, classifying, restoring order, interest in details, attention not to connections, but to differences and contrasts awakens.
Now let's explain about the four cells, and about keeping a careful diary - it goes like clockwork. One, two - and everyone understood everything. And the disgust has not yet received to the process itself,With pleasure, with excitement - who would better defeat chaos and create order? Now it corresponds to the age, the soul asks for it, it will be just right! Why spend hours and nerves on it when it is not in the suit, at the wrong time, inappropriate? Why bang on the door, which is still closed and which itself will surely open in due time?
After all, everything seems to be described in the developmental psychology and even in the teacher training classes is studied. Well, or at least, it can be seen simply when observing children, while working with them. Of course, specific children may have their own developmental characteristics, but the general trends are still approximately in this direction.
Why are age features ignored? The reason is this fear. "If you teach (not) at once, then ..." The perception of the child as inanimate, undeveloped, not striving for more. Adult confidence that they formchildren,and it is necessary to foresee everything, lay the good, stop the bad in advance.
As a result, a child, to whom she was treated as an object of application of educational efforts, is often a teenager and becomes an object, an almost inanimate object that “wants nothing”. He lies on the couch and clicks the remote.
This happens in children who grew up in a government house, who were told all the time what to do and when, and, oddly enough, the children of their parents, who “dedicated their lives” and always “knew how to”. Because everything the child ever wanted was “not right and wrong”, and everything that, according to adults, he should have wanted, and sometimes he even did wil, did not give his mind and heart anything, they wanted, not him.
Well, they all got sick. And adults themselves do all this deeply unhappy, they are killed because of twos and triples, because of an inaccurate diary, and then - because "he is not interested in anything," and "he does not want to go to school."