Our autists are unusual guys. They are played with objects not in the way that is customary in the world of people, they are happy with something else. They do not understand and are not interested in what ordinary people do. They do not know how (do not want) to adapt to everyday norms - a complete lack of conformity (depending on the opinions of others).
We teach them to be like everyone else. They find it difficult to comprehend this science - so they endlessly repeat learned expressions and patterns of actions. If they do not do this, they will forget how to do it - they have no interest in it. We are artificially interested in what we teach, but without it they would express themselves in a different way, speak their own language.
We do not know what they need, so we are trying to transform them in our own image and likeness. They give in. But since this is not their world, they look like awkward, ridiculous aliens in it. And we speak of them as “compensated autists”, stereotyped in all their mental and behavioral manifestations; about people who need support in the form of an orderly structure, so that they "do not go astray."
We should not forget that we are the initiators of attracting autists to our world, and if we don’t want to break them, then we must go beyond the boundaries of our rigid stereotypes and try to catch and understand the signs that they give as contact signals.
It is easy to say - go beyond your stereotypes, and how to do it?
People of our culture (as opposed to Eastern) have a very vague idea of the inner world, the features of their states, their resources, and limitations. When you ask parents to tell or write about their inner world, you meet confusion and a weak understanding of the task; and when it is done, the result is often the poor texts, which in no way reveal the unique, unique personality of the person who spoke (wrote).
People live unconsciously, automatically, by inertia. They are sharply, but selectively (like autists, by the way) pick up external stimuli, react to them, spray themselves into the bustle of everyday life. This is typical for adults in general, regardless of whether they have children or not, these children are healthy or not. There are plenty of reasons to experience yourself unhappy.
When we communicate with parents of autistic children, we first of all find emotional depression that is characteristic of most of them - still, waking up every day with a sense of irreparable misfortune, an unbearable burden. In addition, you can talk about their increased anxiety:Autism is such a diagnosis, which even some experts doubt.And this gives rise to the inner restlessness of the parents, their desire to confirm (rather, to refute) the diagnosis.
And begins the travel of families with autism to various cities and countries. What is interesting here is that this is typical of such families, regardless of what country they live in: American families go to Russia, Russian families go to England, Germans go to America, etc. Cruising around the various new places that relatives or neighbors heard about is also characteristic of the next stage, when a specialist is being sought who will cure a child. These trips take a lot of time and effort, whereas these time and effort could be very useful for serious and consistent work with the child.
Here it is important to realize your situation as a fact, accept it and begin to act in the best way for the child, so that not a day passes without at least some minor positive changes.We must learn to see these changes!
Working with parents of children with autism within the framework of “Mother’s School”, psychologists of the “Solar Circle” center (“Sonya Kolo”) set such a basic task for themselves - to influence the parents' personality so that they could establish a bright rich and meaningful life for themselves and your child. The idea is that only parents, who are developed individuals, can best help their child.
A wonderful condition for such work was a camp organized for the autistic children and their families, which took place this summer in the Poltava region, organized by the Center’s staff. We were able to carry out comprehensive work with parents: psychological studies, methodological support (teaching methods of working with children), creative activities (staging the play) and counseling assistance.
Such psychological elements as the body, the emotional-sensual sphere and the mind (intellect) were involved in the psychological studies.
The body is the basis of the mental organization of the personality, which has such a feature - if it is not specifically developed, it begins to degrade.It is extremely useful to thoroughly disassemble with your fingers (a plastic massager may also be suitable for this) the area of the forehead, head, and especially the area below the neck (near the 1st and 2nd thoracic vertebrae). This area is the only fixed place in the human body, so there is stagnation, leading to osteochondrosis. It is very important to establish a full-fledged blood flow in this place, as it is responsible for the connection of the head and body, the establishment of energy and blood circulation throughout the body. According to the ideas of some psychological trends, this place is a reflection of the vital burden that a person has assumed.
Rubbing, kneading and tapping with fingers is also useful in the sternum area. This zone bears the imprint of the emotional-sensual sphere. A sunken chest speaks of emotional depression, tension, and vulnerability. Massaging this area and doing special exercises, we activate those internal forces that cannot be penetrated through the “body armor”. In addition, we are engaged in a special system aimed at strengthening and aligning the spine. All this work allows us to “breathe life” into the body, “equalize” it, to give a feeling of inner strength and freedom.
Working with emotions, we come up with interesting creative tasks that are aimed at expanding the spectrum of emotions, the ability to manage them: to capture the dynamics of the development of emotions and feelings at the initial level (and not at the peak of experiences, as is usually the case with people), when unwanted ones can be simply “Let go”. Understanding yourself as a particularly uniquely sensitive person helps tremendously in relationships with others.
Developing the intellect, we are primarily concerned with attention. We start from the saying: "Our attention creates our world." If attention is concentrated, intense (such as in most adults), then a limited amount of information from the outside world gets into the field of view and a zone of importance (and from the inside — not at all). Then we dwell on something and our stereotypes govern all of our manifestations.
If a person really wants to develop, he must understand how his attention works and “make” him relaxed (deconcentrated) and voluminous. Then attention will help to capture all the diversity of the external world, as well as the features of such manifestations of the internal world, such as attitude, assessment, own state.Only then can each parent substantively answer, for example, the following question: “What discoveries did he make in himself and his child over the past day?”
Approaching comprehensively to such an uneasy phenomenon as a person, we constantly adhere to the main guideline - to make all manifestations of a person and his very life conscious (and therefore meaningful, non-random, not strictly dependent on external circumstances), and his life position is effective (active, energetic) . Only then can true dialogue and interaction with your child (whatever it may be), as well as the full realization of the identity of the parent in the micro- and macrosocium.