Hurt me

Hurt me because it will be easier this way. I will let you do this without complaining. I will not even wait for an apology before giving you a second chance. I will allow you to wipe my feet on me, because otherwise I would have to say everything I thought and risk losing you. And I would never risk that. I'd rather watch you betray me, listen to how you lie to me, feel how you move away from me. You can do whatever you want with me, and I will take it. I would convince myself that you are worth this pain, you are worth all my sufferings. I would convince myself that I am the root of all problems, and you have nothing to do with it.
Hurt me, because no matter what you do, I will not leave you. I will stay too long. I will fight for you. I will tell myself that everything will be better, that you will change as soon as you understand what you have made me go through. I will lie to myself to make myself believe that staying with you is a good idea. I will be deceiving myself and everyone around me as if everything is in order.

Hurt me because you can’t do any worse than what I had in the past. I was thrown. I was deceived.I cheated. I was betrayed. I was losing people who swore they would never leave. My trust violated. My heart was breaking. I barely survived. I can barely cope.

Hurt me, because I still expect it from you. I know it will be. When this happens, I will be upset, but not surprised. I am a pessimist. I'm a skeptic. I do not believe in true love forever - at least I do not believe that I will have it.

Hurt me because you won’t get anything for it. I will not force you to explain. I will not force you to kneel down and beg for forgiveness. I won't even let you see how much you have grieved me. I will behave as if everything is fine with me. Just to seem like that. Indifferent, without feelings and emotions.

Hurt me because I do it myself every day. I look in the mirror and criticize my reflection. I stand on the scales, and then starve myself in the hope that tomorrow they will have another figure. I meet the wrong people because I think that I will never find someone who will treat me correctly. I punish myself because in my heart I hate myself. I heard a million times that I deserve happiness, but I never believed it.

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