"One day my friend Charlie Crook said publicly this phrase:" Advice more, even if you are not asked! ". However, even when people ask for advice, in the end they themselves often ignore them.
Well, why should a normal person beask for advice, and then forget about it? Although there are a lot of reasons. I think most of them are that the advice is so abstract that it is unclear what to do in order to follow it.
Let's, for example, take a look at my favorite top 10 senseless tips:
The reason why, in my opinion, the aboveThe above tips are meaningless (in fact, I'm sure there are many more such tips) is that none of them say what kind of behavior you should support and what to avoid. Without a clear definition of the behavior that is implied by the council, some of them can lead to negative situations. For example: be positive. This advice is useless, because if you have fun in an unseemly environment or manner, you can inadvertently incur problems. And are not people irritated by you with a constantly upbeat mood?
Another favorite of our 10ka: "Be yourself." Already written a lot of books about "True Leadership" and they are quite popular. At the same time, I know people who can not be given such advice in any case. It turns out, if a person by nature, m **** k - this means that he should always behave so, and not try to change something?
Some justify: "But that's not what I meant." But that is the problem. What did you mean? Most likely, how many people - so many answers to this question. When people say, "I'm trying to be me," you can safely answer, "Well, obviously, you're doing it wrong."
When I hear such advice, I think the reasonlies in the fact that his giver does not understand what exactly needs to be done. I have said many times that "If you can tell me that you want someone to do something, the problem is almost solved, because the rest is a matter of technology. " Once the range of actions necessary to solve the problem has been determined, the further path is already a direct road to the finish.
Let's suppose that a solution to the problem canbe determined in one hour. Forty-five minutes are likely to be devoted to identifying the right behavior. During my clinical practice, I had clients from a couple who came because, according to the wife, her husband no longer loved her. Forty-five minutes later, we decided that the problem was not that he did not like her, but that he did not tell her the word "I love you" for no reason. It did not take me a month to help them, it took an hour. While this example may seem far from our topic, the key idea is that identifying the behavior that you are looking for is exactly what is needed to get what you want.
The best direction for the people who receivedsuch advice, will ask in the answer: "How do you imagine it?", "What is needed for this?". After you have figured out all that is left to do is control your behavior (at least once a day) and then form a stereotype that will be conducive to the implementation of this council.
If this does not work, look for new optionsbehavior until it does not work out. Dr. Ogden Lindsley found that 98.6 percent of people who had changed behavioral stereotypes were able to solve their problems. Naturally, if the correct stereotype of behavior is revealed.
Good advice is a rare gift. Most people giving advice are concerned about the problems of another person and sincerely want to help him. However, if you really want to help another person - do not give him advice from this top10, but spend a little time and think about the specific behavior that a person needs to accept or change that he can track and maintain.